After tucking my kids to bed today, I again started searching for preschool for them online. They are going to be 2.5 years soon and we are working on a project to find a decent nursery / preschool. I knew this day will come but I was avoiding to envisage it because I think I am not prepared for it yet. It would be an understatement if I say I am feeling emotional about this transition, as the feeling of separation, even for few hours is hard to describe, its odious. Everytime I think of finalizing a school, it fills me with a separation anxiety leaving me so restless.
Since the time they are born, I am always with them, given any situation and all of a sudden, this change in life….No, I am not ready for it and after reading news daily about heinous crimes against children, in schools, on roads, in parks, I feel more uncomfortable sending them away from me. However, here in Europe, I have not heard any safety issues about children in schools but still a part of me gets tensed leaving them alone in an unknown classroom out of their comforted nest. I know I’m sounding very impractical, over possessive tear-jerker but I think this is what motherhood is all about.
It’s just we three at home all the day during weekdays, after my husband leaves for work in the morning till he comes back in the evening. We roll in our own little bubble and fill each day with adventure, fun, laughter, tantrums, drama, cries. We truly relish our girlie moments. Another reason I am not prepared is that they are my only children and the feeling of being home alone is not appealing. Though I will get more time for myself when kids will be away but at the moment, even this is not a motivation for me.
They will be out of my sight, out of my care, 5 days a week. I fear whether the teachers will take care of them, feed them well, understand their needs, love them, wipe their tears, comfort them, the way I do…or they will feel neglected and unwanted. I fear whether they will make friends or get bullied by the other kids and feel detested and lonely. Such thoughts fill me with lot of nervousness and then there is a continuous series of sobs and whines.
Like any other mother, even I want my kids to shine bright and stand out of the crowd. I also want them to gain all the wisdom of life, learn the basics as well as the complexities of life. I also wish to see them learn and grow and achieve milestones one by one. I am eager to see them making new friends, socializing more, discover their capabilities. I am excited about all the amazing opportunities ahead of them. But, having said all this, I still fear to say BYE to them.
I really want to expose my kids out of their comfort zone. I want to watch them fly high spreading their little wings independently and embracing the school adventure. All the Moms who are reading this and had faced this fear, I will appreciate if you could share your experience with me, how did you cope up with this feeling? It might help me prepare for the big step which I’m afraid to take at the moment.
Love you all.
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