Pouring my emotions and penning down this blog wasn’t easy but sometimes, venting out your feelings is the best catharsis. I wrote it with a heavy heart, teary eyes and shaking hands but as it is said, “Life goes on”, I also have to move on and face the saddest reality of life. I can scream, I can rant, I can get angry with destiny but I can’t flee from the truth.
When my daughters were 4 months, my husband shifted to another country and joined his new job. I was supposed to join him after a few months as kids were too small and I needed help. That was the time, I got a chance to live with my parents for such a long time after a decade, as I left my home city after graduation, for higher studies, then job and finally got married so all of us were thrilled to live together again and this time it was even special as I had my double edi (addi) tion with me.
I was the closest to my father since childhood and quite a pampered and loved daughter. We shared a beautiful bond of silence. He was a man of few words still I could always sense his emotions through his expressions, smile or even his silence, I inherited this from him only as he was a great observer. The most grounded and amazing person I have ever met with a heart of the gold, healthy sense of humor, an epitome of simplicity, ever ready to help the needy secretly without an inch of show off.
We were a middle-class family and Papa was in a Government job who grew up to a decent level through his dedication, honesty, and hard work. I remember him narrating us the stories about how he traveled long distances to his office on a bicycle in the initial years of his job. He was transferred to other cities far from home for many years and couldn’t take care of his diet and eating habits. This took a toll on his health and he was diagnosed with diabetes at an early age of 35 only.
We were little kids then, unaware of this poison and how it could ruin our happiness. Years later, it affected his liver and he was diagnosed with chronic liver disease. I went to stay with them in March 2016 end and we had the best moments together till June when he fell sick one day and immediately had to get hospitalized. Since then, his health kept declining and he finally left for his heavenly abode in August end just a week after I left for Delhi with my husband.
I’m thankful to God for all those moments that I had spent with Pa in those five months.
I’m thankful to God that I could take him shopping where he tried a few shirts very joyfully like a kid and picked up three.
I’m thankful to God that I could dine with him at a newly opened restaurant in our city where he had a scrumptious meal of Dal Bati instead of the boring Oats and boiled food that we used to feed him daily. Seeing him relishing food after a long time was highly satisfactory.
I’m thankful to God that I could celebrate my birthday, Pa’s birthday and Father’s Day with him and baked my first ever cake for him. I’m thankful to God for letting me tie Rakhi to Pa one last time on Raksha Bandhan. Though my thread wasn’t strong enough to save him.
I’m thankful to God that we could celebrate kids monthly birthdays and then half yearly birthday with Pa when he didn’t leave any stone unturned to make it the way I wanted. He enjoyed immensely the cake smashes done by the kids.
I’m thankful to God for all the drives Pa used to take us out immediately after coming back from the office, despite having long tiring days.
I’m thankful to God that Pa could pamper me after so many years, daily by calling from office and asking what I wished to eat. The days I used to say “Kuch Bhi le ayiyega Pa”, he used to get upset so I always had a special demand which pleased him the most.
I’m thankful to God for all the evening walks and endless talks we had during my stay.
I’m thankful to God that I could serve Pa during his last few days, accompany him during his hospital stays and had few precious father-daughter moments.
I’m thankful to God for giving Pa, the joy of playing with his grandchildren.
I’m thankful to God for all the smiles and laughter filled moments we had together.
People say the fate is destined and the journey of one’s life is predetermined but I never used to believe in all this until I lost Pa. Today, when I look back, it seems like a plan of God that my husband relocated to another country, I went to my parents and could spend the best moments with them. I’m thankful to God for planning things such a way.
These things may sound trivial to you all but it means the biggest asset to me which I treasure the most.
Through this blog, I also want to share a message with the readers that never take your parents for granted. Never disconnect their calls, even if you are busy, take the call and inform. Never leave things for tomorrow as it never comes. If you want to do something for your parents, be it taking them out for a movie or lunch or vacation or anything you feel might give them happiness, do it today.
Give your time to them and express your love as much as you can. Parents are irreplaceable and the loss is irrevocable. Their absence hurts, it fills your life with a vacuum which can never be filled. The feeling of never been able to see them, meet them, feel them, touch them, hear them rips you apart and you can just groan. Instead of regretting in front of their photographs later, make memories today.
Those five months were indeed a blessing in my life full of mixed emotions. Where on one hand, there was happiness in abundance, on the other hand, there was a fear of his deteriorating health. Though I have a lot of grudges in my heart that the Almighty took away Pa so early but I am thankful to Him for letting me spend the last few days with him which I will cherish whole of my life.